The belief that the purpose of sex is to just sleep around with whoever you want whenever you want, is not anything new today, it has been around for generations. But here is my challenge in this post, hook-up culture, though it is seen as just normal or part of culture, is destructive and brings death. Those who live out the hook-up culture want to ignore the reality of the pain and destruction it actually brings. Why do I say that?
It all starts with how one defines the purpose of sex. Does sex have a purpose and design, or not? If it does have a purpose, who defines that purpose?
Those that want to live out the hook-up culture would state that the individual defines sex and the purpose of sex is to have fun, to sleep around, use it how you want. This might seem like sexual freedom (which is how it is often painted) but in fact it is not freedom at all. This view of sex is what is depicted in every movie or tv show. You sleep around to have fun and to "get to know people".
Back to the central question in this: Does sex have a purpose and if it does, who defines that purpose?
If we say (as the hook up culture does) that sex is defined by the individual and its purpose is to have fun there are lot of issues that come with that. Let me point out a few things to give a picture of why this sexual freedom is not freedom at all.
First, if the individual is the one who defines the purpose and use of sex---then there is no purpose at all. What does that mean? It means its purpose changes depending on how someone wants to use it. If this is the case then no sexual experience or desire would be wrong because everyone gets to use it how they want.
This is how our culture wants to live but at the same time we try to ignore the danger and destruction this belief brings. Here is what this belief brings: sex trafficking, prostitution, rape, adultery, teen pregnancy, pornography, pedophilia, broken families, sexual confusion...etc
We are living out the consequences of this view towards sex and we all see the pain and destruction firsthand. We see the broken families. We see the hurting individuals. This is all rooted in the use and belief that sex is trivial and its purpose is defined by the individual.
I want to propose that sex is not trivial at all. Sex is not just a physical act between two people. Sex is deeper than that. It is obviously physically but it is spiritual as well. Souls are tied together. Why? It was designed that way. In Genesis 2:24 it states,
"That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."
There was a created unity in sex to bond a husband and wife.
This points to the second part. Sex is defined by the one who created it, God and not culture created sex. Culture has corrupted it but did not create it, God did that. Therefore, since God is the creator He is the only one who can define how it is to be used. He created it to be used between a man and woman in marriage. It was to bind them together for life and bring life (physically in the formation of a child, and spiritually and emotionally in each other). When we live out the purpose of sex in the way it was designed by God, life and flourishing comes. When we misuse it and define it how we want, death, pain and confusion comes.
We try to act like sex is just a physical act and is trivial but if we pause for a moment, we know that we are living in the very consequences of that belief.
Pornography is a multibillion dollar industry. This industry brings death and destruction to women, men, children and the family (many families have been torn apart by pornography).
Sex-trafficking and human trafficking is one of the top criminal industries in the world.
Kids growing up in broken families continues to grow year by year.
Sexual abuse and rape destroys not only individuals but families as well.
This list can go on but you get the picture. The destruction and pain is real. So when one says that sex is trivial, I tell them to open their eyes. Sex is far from trivial and we need to start treating it differently. If we keep using it how we want, things won't change but rather continue to bring pain, hurt and destruction.
As a culture we can either stay on this path, bringing more hurt and pain in our life and the lives of others, or we can go back to the source (God) for his intended purpose and live God's way. Just imagine a world that views and uses sex as God designed it:
"There would be no sexual exploitation, sex trafficking, or sexual abuse. There would be no sexually transmitted diseases. There would be no crude, degrading sexual humor. There would be no pain from divorce. There would be no dead beat dads. Kids would be brought into families with a mom and dad who love each other." Sean McDowell
We cannot expect this kind of world while we still treat and use sex contrary to God’s good and perfect design for the flourishing of humanity.
[1] Sean McDowell. A Rebel's Manifesto: Choosing Truth, Real Justice, and Love amid the Noise of Today's World (Tyndale. 2022)